The end of an era

The Indians are 2½ games up on the Tigers in the AL Central, you say?

Pfft. I'm going to talk about Fernando Cabrera ending up in the Orioles system instead. (After not pitching for... about a month?) Or, not really talk about, because what else is there to say? It's the end of an era, and I hope he gets a chance to work with Leo Mazzone eventually, as that's seemed to work out well for other Indians-castoff, Jeremy Guthrie. I'm not sure how two guys named Cabrera who can't find the strike zone is going to work out for the O's, but it should at least be an interesting experiment.

Part of the reason I failed at actually continuing the Boyfriend Standings (aside from the other part where making the tables was tedious, time-consuming, and not worth the effort given my strain to explain the changes to the scoreboard) was that a part of me just hadn't accepted "breaking up with" Ferd. It was weird, trying to declare one play my new "baseball boyfriend," when i'd never really, in my heart, given up on the first one.

In a way, Ferd going to another system is good for me. a clean break so I can eventually move one with my life and develop another irrational fondness for an overrated reliever in spite of my better judgment. But, man, I'm gonna miss that kid.

Boyfriend Standings: July 6th Edition!

Player	Points	Points Back
Victor Martinez	13	--
Fausto Carmona	7	-6
Casey Blake	6	-7
Kelly Shoppach	6	-7
Josh Barfield	5	-8
Fernando Cabrera	5	-8
Grady Sizemore	5	-8
Rafael Betancourt	4	-9
Ben Francisco	4	-9
Travis Hafner	4	-9
Joe Borowski	3	-10
Jhonny Peralta	3	-10
C.C. Sabathia	3	-10
Ryan Garko	2	-11
Franklin Gutierrez	2	-11
Jason Michaels	2	-11
Jason Stanford	2	-11
David Dellucci	1	-12
Rafael Perez	1	-12
Mike Rouse	1	-12
Paul Byrd	0	-13
Cliff Lee	0	-13
Tom Mastny	0	-13

Welcome, first of all, to new addition to the Boyfriend Standings, Ben Francisco! He made quite a splash on the standings, you might notice, gaining 4 whole points during a period of time in which I wasn't even really watching the games.

C.C. Sabathia, Victor Martinez, and Grady Sizemore all got themselves a point for getting named to the All-Star Team. Congrats, boys!

In spite of my tendency to give random points to dudes for cuting me out, Victor Martinez so far appears to be running away with this contest. Which is strange, because I'm not sure he's the guy I feel most boyfriend-y about right now. I'll have to get more points-happy when it comes to "I just woke up thinkin' this dude was kind of cool," I guess.

Boyfriend Standings 6/24

Player	Points	Points Back
Victor Martinez	9	--
Casey Blake	6	-3
Fausto Carmona	5	-4
Josh Barfield	4	-5
Fernando Cabrera	4	-5
Kelly Shoppach	4	-5
Rafael Betancourt	3	-6
Joe Borowski	3	-6
Grady Sizemore	3	-6
Franklin Gutierrez	2	-7
Jhonny Peralta	2	-7
Jason Stanford	2	-7
David Dellucci	1	-8
Travis Hanfer	1	-8
Jason Michaels	1	-8
Rafael Perez	1	-8
Mike Rouse	1	-8
C.C. Sabathia	1	-8
Paul Byrd	0	-9
Ryan Garko	0	-9
Cliff Lee	0	-9
Tom Mastny	0	-9

There's really not much going on to make me feel boyfriend-y about the Indians right now. I have discovered that losing to the Nationals feels a lot like losing to the Royals, although we, at least, don't have to play the Nationals more than three times every three years or so. I wish I understood why the Indians can't remember how to play baseball when they're playing last-place teams. It's getting kind of ridiculous.

Tomorrow I'm heading in to Cleveland to see the Indians play the A's. Myr tells me that she's heard that it'll be Rich Harden starting for the A's, not Chad Gaudin like the probable pitchers lists tell me. If that's true, surprise!Harden might make up for surprise!Kitten. (I'm kind of expecting Cliff Lee to somehow start all the games I'm going to see in Philly this upcoming weekend as well. I'm not sure how, but if it happened, I wouldn't be surprised.)

The thing about my inability to catch a game that Cliff Lee isn't starting is actually nothing new. Back when my dad used to take me to Reds games all the time, I don't think I saw a non-Tom Browning start in person the entirety of the 1990 season. You have no idea how hard it is to explain the concept of the pitching rotation to a seven year old who sees the same starting pitcher every time she goes to a game.

Boyfriend Standings 6/20 Edition

Player	Points	Points Back
Casey Blake	6	--
Victor Martinez	6	--
Josh Barfield	4	-2
Rafael Betancourt	3	-3
Fernando Cabrera	3	-3
Fausto Carmona	3	-3
Joe Borowski	2	-4
Franklin Gutierrez	2	-4
Jhonny Peralta	2	-4
Kelly Shoppach	2	-4
Grady Sizemore	2	-4
Jason Stanford	2	-4
David Dellucci	1	-5
Jason Michaels	1	-5
Rafael Perez	1	-5
Mike Rouse	1	-5
C.C. Sabathia	1	-5
Paul Byrd	0	-6
Ryan Garko	0	-6
Travis Hafner	0	-6
Cliff Lee	0	-6
Tom Mastny	0	-6

Casey Blake's hitting streak has ended, so he's probably going to stop dominating the standings quite the same way he has so far this season.

Out of nowhere comes Josh Barfield, gaining himself three points and rocketing up the standings since they were last posted. He's had a penchant for clutch hits so far this year, which is certainly an endearing trait.

Franklin Gutierrez has pushed the issue and made his way into the standings. If he gets himself sent back to Buffalo, I'll just let him stagnate on the standings, I guess.


Unrelated to the standings, do any of you, fair readers, use ArmchairGM? I have an account, but I'm a little intimidated by the interface. Also, the idea of cross-posting my posts to something wiki-based makes me a bit wary.


Edited to add: And I was just looking at my referral information, and who ever was Googling "Ryan Garko big butt" and came upon my blog? I salute you.

Boyfriend Standings 6/16 Edition

Player	Points	Points Back
Casey Blake	4	--
Victor Martinez	4	--
Fernando Cabrera	3	-1
Joe Borowski	2	-2
Fausto Carmona	2	-2
Jhonny Peralta	2	-2
Jason Stanford	2	-2
Josh Barfield	1	-3
Rafael Betancourt	1	-3
David Dellucci	1	-3
Rafael Perez	1	-3
Mike Rouse	1	-3
C.C. Sabathia	1	-3
Kelly Shoppach	1	-3
Grady Sizemore	1	-3
Paul Byrd	0	-4
Ryan Garko	0	-4
Travis Hafner	0	-4
Cliff Lee	0	-4
Tom Mastny	0	-4
Jason Michaels	0	-4

No particularly funny or interesting reasons for the changes in the standings, so you get naught but the chart.

Boyfriend Standings 6/14 Edition

Player	Points	Points Back
Fernando Cabrera	3	--
Victor Martinez	3	--
Casey Blake	2	-1
Joe Borowski	2	-1
Fausto Carmona	2	-1
Josh Barfield	1	-2
Rafael Betancourt	1	-2
Jhonny Peralta	1	-2
Mike Rouse	1	-2
C.C. Sabathia	1	-2
Grady Sizemore	1	-2
Jason Stanford	1	-2
Paul Byrd	0	-3
David Dellucci	0	-3
Travis Hafner	0	-3
Cliff Lee	0	-3
Tom Mastny	0	-3
Jason Michaels	0	-3
Rafael Perez	0	-3
Kelly Shoppach	0	-3
Ryan Garko	-1	-4

I already took off the "Change from last post" column because I could see it was going to become awkward quickly. Sorry, but this whole thing is a learning experience for me.

You might also notice a new name on this list. I went ahead and added Jason Stanford to the list. Stanford was the Indians spot starter for Thursday's game versus the Marlins, and got his first win since he had to leave the Indians rotation with an injury in 2004. The word on Let's Go Tribe is that Stanford will probably get released once Westbrook comes back, but until it happens, I'm considering the guy in the running. Who knows? Dark horse candidate!

Anyway, for those of you curious about the things that gained fellows points since last time, the whole thing isn't very interesting, but Jhonny Peralta and Ryan Garko both got themselves points for bringing me the lulz. Peralta for catching a ball that hit him while he was at bat, and Garko for making the world's stupidest slide catching a ball in the infield. Being a silly dude definitely helps one become a boyfriend, I think.

Victor Martinez got a point for being his awesome self.

JoBo pulled out a save, somehow, and because he scared me on the way, somehow ended up with a point in my Big Notebook o' Boyfren. Stanford got himself a point for his surprisingly good start. He might get another point tomorrow just for being a cool story for two seconds for me.


In other news, I finally bought myself a ticket to see the Brewers at the Pirates in a couple weeks, when I'm on my way back from the other side of Pennsylvania. Right now I'm super psyched, but after doing all that driving in one weekend, I might change my mind.

Boyfriend Standings 6/13 Edition

Player	Points	Points Back	Change
Fernando Cabrera	3	--	+3
Casey Blake	2	-1	+2
Fausto Carmona	2	-1	+2
Victor Martinez	2	-1	+2
Josh Barfield	1	-2	+1
Rafael Betancourt	1	-2	+1
Joe Borowski	1	-2	+1
Mike Rouse	1	-2	+1
C.C. Sabathia	1	-2	+1
Grady Sizemore	1	-2	+1
Paul Byrd	0	-3	--
David Dellucci	0	-3	--
Travis Hafner	0	-3	--
Cliff Lee	0	-3	--
Tom Mastny	0	-3	--
Jason Michaels	0	-3	--
Jhonny Peralta	0	-3	--
Rafael Perez	0	-3	--
Kelly Shoppach	0	-3	--
Ryan Garko	-2	-5	-2

Things that gained and lost people points that are interesting enough to mention

Ryan Garko lost two points for his complete fail with runners in scoring position the other day. He had more LOB than the entire opposing team. I am displeased with him.

Josh Barfield got a point for going to the Cavs viewing party for Game 2 of the NBA Finals. I am all for supporting the local teams, kiddo.

Casey Blake got points for continuing his 22-game hitting streak.

Fausto Carmona got some of his points for being precious during his at-bat against the Marlins.

Grady Sizemore got a point for his adorable reaction to being told he'd be out of the line-up on Tuesday. Eric Wedge told him he was out of the line-up, and that was not up for discussion. About five minutes later, Grady came back into the office. "No discussion?" Is that not boyfriend material? Seriously.

Mike Rouse and Victor Martinez got one point each for that sweet play throwing out a runner at the plate on Wednesday's game.

And, obviously, Fernando Cabrera got a point for each of his scoreless innings against Seattle. 'Cause I like him.

You might notice that I added Joe Borowski and Rafael Perez to the competition. The former is at the request of reader Jay, who thinks JoBo needs to be somebody's boyfriend. The latter is 'cause it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Boyfriend Standings: An Introduction

Hello, and welcome to The Boyfriend Standings. You might recall that I once had a baseball boyfriend, and his name is Fernando Cabrera. However, due to a regularly disappointing level of play, during a game I threatened Ferd with a break up. He failed to come through. I considered this a sign, put my foot down, and declared Ferd no longer my boyfriend.

But that means I need a new boyfriend.

You may have noticed my Boyfriend Tryouts, in which I carefully considered which other Indian might be the best new boyfriend for me. This whole thing was a lead-up into this... The Boyfriend Standings.

The Boyfriend Standings are a numerical measure of my subjective feelings about dudes as the season goes by. Eventually, the guy at the top will become my new Indians Boyfriend.

Here are some possible questions you might have about the Boyfriend Standings, and my answers to them.

I still don't get this "Boyfriend" thing. Please explain it to me?

Twins blogger Batgirl summed up boyfriends thus:

A "boyfriend" is that special Twins player that makes your heart go pitter pat. It has nothing to do with physical attraction; straight men can have Twins boyfriends as can gay women as can neutered Batkitties! Everyone can have a Twins boyfriend!

Look into your heart. Isn't there a player that just makes your cheeks flush a little bit? Someone about whom you'll brook no criticism? Someone whose bobblehead you have, and a jersey, too, and maybe even a lock of hair?

That, dear reader, is your boyfriend.

Please sub in the word "Indians" for "Twins" where appropriate.


How often will the Boyfriend Standings be updated?

Every Sunday at the least. If I'm regularly watching games, otherwise bored, and have updates to make, probably a few more times a week.


How do the Boyfriend Standings work?

A dude does something awesome. I award him some number of points that shall number no greater than 5. (And 5 is reserved for, like, rescuing small kittens out of trees and also ending world hunger.) This number of points is completely subjective. A dude I like more will get more points for the same thing some other dude gets for it because, you know, this is a judge of my fondness for a dude, not for, like, everybody's fondness for a dude.

I add up the points, and whoever has the most points is the current leader.


Can guys get negative points?

Yes. This happens in one of two ways. The first is that a dude does something that really sucks during a game, and I give him up to 5 negative points. This will not happen very often because I try to be positive about baseball, but sometimes I find myself down on a dude because he's not playing very well.

The other way is if a dude turns out to have done something I really and truly disapprove of in his off-the-field life, I will give him "negative all his points" and take him out of the standings. I don't anticipate this happening, but you never know when you're dealing with Real People, y'know?


Is there some reason you're doing this?

'Cause it's a good way to force myself to update my blog once in a while. Also it makes me laugh.